Trust

I've been thinking the last few days, about "trust" as it relates to me and God. It's funny how something will strike a thought in your mind about something and one thought will lead to another and then another and then another. Then, pretty soon you have this whole conversation (or speech) going on in your head about a topic. Well, at least that's how I think a lot of times. I don't have time (nor desire, I guess), to talk out all my thoughts with an actual person, so I end up doing these thought "trains" in my mind as I go about my daily life. Is that weird??

Anyway, about trust.... I was praying about a particular thing that I'm trying very desperately to let go of and let God handle. I keep handing it over to Him and then taking it back. (I think I do that a lot!!) I was so upset that I'd taken it back once again that I cried out to Him asking "Why?? Why do I take it back over and over?? Why can't I just let it go??" I reasoned that I have worries about my kids and I let them go easy enough, why not this?? Then I realized that with the kids, I KNOW I have no control. I KNOW God is the only one who can handle that. But, with this other thing, I have this illusion that I have some control, so I continually take it back. I realized that it's easier to trust God with stuff I know I have no control over anyway, so why not just hand it over. But, with the stuff that I think I have some control of , I keep trying to take it back again and again.

So, what's the upshot of this thought train, you ask? Well, frankly, I don't know. I guess it's just me rambling and thinking aloud. Is there an answer? Of course! Just trust God. But, alas, it's easier said than done. So I will continue to hand my issue over to Him again and again until I can get it right and maybe I'll trust Him a little more each time until I finally let go. I guess that should be another New Year's resolution! :-)